Being the single gal that I am, I realize I’m staring death right in the face, alone in my house, during the CoVid -19 Apocalypse – hoping and praying Corona doesn’t infiltrate my groceries, gas pump handle, incoming mail, Amazon delivery’s
, take-out food and/or all the other unforeseen dangers I haven’t conjured up in my mind yet. It’s a wild, wild world out there right now. Walk to your mailbox at your own peril. Now before you get your panties all in a wad thinking I’m making light of a serious situation (you’d be right, by the way), blatantly disregarding the home sheltering rules and being a general danger to all mankind, remember, I’m bored. I’m trying to be productive and find something interesting to do besides eat popcorn and Hot Tamales while binge watching yet another Netflix series. So why not write a blog about kissing? I know, I know. We’re not supposed to be kissing, but the rebel in me is thinking, how dangerous can it be? Okay, I’m joking. Remember, I am alone in the house! (I bet right about now, all you wives and husbands sheltering together with a house full of kiddos are thinking you’d kill for some quiet time in a house alone huh?) The downside of being alone is the places your mind goes. I’m really just days away from total madness – feeling like I might go all Sylvia Plath any second now and stick my head in the electric oven (’cause that’s how I roll around here).
But I digress. This blog is about kissing. To be specific, it’s about why kissing is so great. Or it least it was until Corona showed up and ruined it for all of us, but for the sake of nostalgia, let’s focus on the good old days. I’ve been single for a while now and from my experience, I can tell by your kiss if we’re going to be compatible, um, you know…in other ways – ahem. I’m no expert of course, but I did once give kissing lessons on a beach in Mexico to some young(er) medical students from Mexico City, who were all too eager to be in my “class.” True story and there may or may not have been tequila involved.
So what makes for a good kiss? What makes for a bad kiss? And just what is it about kissing that ignites that fire in our loins? (Yes, I said loins) Science says that when two people kiss, it causes a chemical reaction in our brain, including a burst of oxytocin, often referred to as the “love” hormone because it stirs up feelings of affection and attachment – lighting up the pleasure centers of our brains. That makes complete sense. There’s no doubt that if I kiss someone for the first time, I’m definitely going to be stalking his social media, staring longingly at my phone every couple of minutes – willing him to text me. But in all seriousness, there is something amazing about a good kisser. I don’t know many women who appreciates someone ferociously jamming their tongue down their throats because, that’s just disgusting, and if you are that kisser, I would advise you to stop. Now. Today. And if no one has told you so before now, that’s what we did in 8th grade when we were experimenting with French kissing. Please. I’m doing you a favor, trust me.
When I think about the men I’ve kissed and what made some of them standouts in the kissing arena, it really starts with those tiny moments beforehand that lead us there. The flirting. The butterflies dancing in your belly. That brief pause in conversation where you both stop speaking and you catch him staring at your mouth and where the thought crosses your mind of what it would feel like to press your lips against his. Then as if in slow motion, we lean in, lips parting slightly and like a gale force of wind pushing us together, we feel the entirety of those pillow soft lips touch in unison -gently, hesitantly beginning the slow dance of tasting, teasing (maybe a gentle bite?) – moving together in complete synchrony. Now that’s what I call a kiss. One that holds promise. A kiss that can drive you wild with desire, leaving you breathless and longing for more.
What makes a bad kiss? Well, aside from the ground we’ve already covered in the third paragraph, nothing ruins the moment more than bad breath. I don’t want to have to spell it out for you, but if you didn’t brush your teeth AND your tongue before going in for that kiss, invest in a tongue scraper on Amazon and make that a daily habit. At the very least, pop a breath mint however, if your breath smells like you just ate an egg sandwich, it’s only going to make it taste like a minty egg sandwich (Think orange blossom spray in a restroom after someone has gone number 2 – just saying). You’re welcome.
In the meantime, I dream of a day when we’ll all be free again. Free to wander in a world where it’s not a bad thing to grab your man by the necktie, pull him close and whisper softly in his ear, “Kiss me, ya filthy animal.” In the meantime, take a cold shower, stay safe and no kissing till the government gives us the green light.
If you liked this, please comment below, share with your friends and help a girl out.
-Tamara
Photo courtesy of: EPE-EFE
Hi Tamara, great blog. I’m new to your blogs, but have really enjoyed your takeaways on little things that make up our ordinary lives. I for years have kept a toothbrush/paste, floss, and mouthwash in my car, working, and gym bag. Would you suggest keeping same by your bed, if you want to kiss your lover in the morning, without getting out of bed? Is there any relation between Zodiac signs of you and partner and kissing?
Well Jeffrey, I don’t know that a toothbrush next to your bed would be all that helpful when you still need to spit out the morning breath. My suggestion would to be really stealth, sneak out of bed and tiptoe to the bathroom so you can quietly brush your teeth (and your tongue), sneak back to bed and act like you wake up all minty fresh every morning. Who wouldn’t think they struck the jackpot? 😉 Thanks for your comments!
Tamara
“Loins…” tee hee. This was a nice bit of comic relief. Thanks for offering some great tips for being more kissable (please brush, floss and tongue scrape, guys). Take care of yourself my friend.
Thanks Tanya! I hope you and your family are getting through this with a little bit of comic relief, plenty of activities and a lot of patience!
I love your humor, truth, and descriptive way you word your thoughts! It’s as if you are writing my life experiences! Bravo my friend!
Thanks Laura! I always enjoy your positive attitude toward life! I hope your safe and not feeling too lonely during this very weird time!
Tamy you always make me laugh!😂 No kissing 😘..now I am trying to figure out how to do a massage with hand sanitizer ( jk)
Danya, if you figure that out, I’ll be booking a massage. Thanks for commenting. I hope all is well with your family and everyone is staying safe!
Too funny Tamy 😂 . Thanks for making laugh . Love ya
Always my pleasure Sherri! I hope all is well with your family and everyone is staying safe. <3
First time I’ve had a lesson in the “physical art of smooching“! It all just makes sense..working in dentistry in my younger years I appreciate your adding in the tongue scraper! Good oral hygiene is super important in the “love” department! Love your hilarious take on reality!
Well Judy, truth is truth and why not spell it out and give people a “taste” of reality?
Hey Tamara,
Great blog! Write more…
Auntie Karen 🥰
Karen, it’s nice to know people are enjoying my work and “getting an education” at the same time. Anything I can do for the greater good of humanity – kissing is important! 😉
Agree with you totally about French kissing…ugh! However, just a little flick of the tongue can be nice…😍! Nice article, my friend!
Thanks Lori! Yes, many ways to skin a cat when it comes to kissing but shoving a tongue down to my tonsils is not one…yuck! Keep reading and please keep commenting! Stay safe my friend!
Well I can’t believe I was suckered into reading this (your FB post)! Too funny!! Teaching kissing classes on the street of Mexico…wow!! I might have learned something and an enjoyable read…nice work!! 😊
Scott, I’m glad I can entertain you lol and I’m also glad you may have learned something! And let me correct you, it was on the beach in Mexico, not the streets. Still a very funny experience but you had to be there…;) Keep reading there’s always more fun stuff to come, you know I’m a little twisted! – Tamara
Tamara-
I loved this. It’s all about the anticipation and the lead up to the first Kiss. (Hygiene is also paramount).
Looking forward to more of what you write.
Hi Garrett, Thank you so much for your positive feedback. I’m trying to get at least two blogs in a week. With all this home sheltering, looks like I’ll have plenty of time to get some work done! Stay safe and thanks for reading 🙂
-Tamara
Tamara I thought it was a great blog you’re a good writer keep it up it was real.
Thank you Larry! I’m trying to utilize this time and keep my writing chops active…if you can’t kiss someone, you may as well write about it 🙂
-Tamara
Tamara, thanks for the positive thoughts! One memorable first kiss for me happened by my date’s car in a parking garage. As we kissed another car drove by, shaking the whole garage level. We joked ‘the earth moved’ during that kiss!
Tamara,
Your writing is very conversational, light and humorous. Love your take on social distancing, and your longing to be close to people, particularly kissing! I would like to read the complete Kissing life of Tamara Williams. Non Fiction. Tell us everything. Best Wishes!
Meg, I find your commentary just as funny as you find mine. I’ve been told my voice can be heard in all my writing. I guess that’s a good thing! As for my kissing life…I might reveal a tidbit here and there…
Thanks for your comments!
-Tamara
Good stuff! And SO true! A good/great kiss can really start things off and a bad kiss can cause everything to come to a crashing halt…no wonder 8th grade was so difficult for me!
I really enjoyed your article, my only critique (negative) is that you spelled “lions” wrong and WHY would you kiss a lion and want it to burst into flames?
Just odd.
“And just what is it about kissing that ignites that fire in our loins?”
Loved the article, really enjoyed your humor 🙂
Thank you Tom for your thoughts and kind words. I guess a kiss isn’t just a kiss is it?
-Tamara